#self control whomst.

[kangals]

we had what I’d call mixed success at Keps first herding evaluation today. he was VERY interested in the sheep and definitely showed a strong instinct to chase and focus on them - unfortunately he was also really struggling with focusing on anything else besides chasing sheep, so he never actually made it off the leash bc he definitely just wanted to fling himself at them like a bowling ball. so the plan for now is to take 6 months and keep focusing on his basic training, recall, etc and to let him mature mentally, and then re-try with stock in the spring and see how he does at that point.

tbh this is pretty much what I expected to happen (though I am still a little disappointed I didn’t get any pictures), so hopefully by the time we try again we’ll have some better training and slightly less Baby Brain to contend with.

the trainer we worked with was very nice though, she had some really good insight on what to work on. she's one of those ppl with a van full of 6 perfectly trained BCs in crates lol but she did say that she thought kep had good potential and said he had a really good, confident personality - "he's the type of dog you'll be able to do anything with" which made me happy to hear. so hopefully if we take some time to really study up next time we'll be able to really get started!

[ping-ski]

Hewwo!!! :3 I hope you are having an amazing day, here is a whole plate of cupcakes! Would it be possible for you to share a few lore details about your Eclipsed By You AU story? I keep looking at the designs and I am so curious about what will be happening, I would wish to nibble on tiny lore crumbs, pretty please?

ama!! hihi! ! i meant to answer your ask much sooner! anyways, since you asked so nicely (and because i am pathetically weak to any sweets </3) prepare for some SERIOUS yappage under that cut

✦ AuDHD demands that I explain EBY origins before any details but you can totally skip this if you want! (Scroll till you see blue text! :3) So... Eclipsed By You was intended to be au/fic just for myself after work when I first got into DCA. I literally was pantsing a self-insert fic from just gameplay, voicelines, and a collection of scenarios I wrote in my notes app before I actually interacted with the DCA fandom lol. I was already in the process of writing it to be a proper fic and planned to make an AO3 acc to post it! I took some time away from it tho cause I got busy irl. During my break I did start to interact more the fandom! The first proper DCA fic I read was 'Solar Lunacy' by BamSara a few months back as a recommendation from a mutual I had from another fandom. I had told them about my fic idea and they suggested I read the fic as my fic had reminded them of SL. After reading through, I was kind of bummed initially because I really didn't think I had anything unique to offer with my own fic that I was hoping to share. I stopped writing it cause damn comparison truly is the thief of joy. SL and EBY had similar ideas going on and I just didn't feel like it was worth posting my fic cause it didn't feel "special" to me anymore. It was easy to give up since writing is really not my strong suit at all, so then I fell back to just drawing! I only came back to it despite the 19 other DCA aus I have lined up rn cause honestly I remembered that wrote it for my own enjoyment! Why did that have to change? Albeit, I did scrap lots of what I initially wrote and started fresh cause my interpretation of DCA changed. Regardless, EBY was always going to be a self-indulgent DCA/Reader fic taking place at the Pizza Plex. Sure not anything original, but that's just a fact of being a creative in general tbh. I felt silly when I realized that haha. I'm having fun and they make me smile, so who cares if its been done before lol. I still enjoy Solar Lunacy and still am a fan of BamSara! (the cotl content has been fueling me lmao)

✦ Some bits on Eclipsed By You- The main part of your ask lol! ✿ On the au/fic name: I actually stole it from another au (of the many) I have. No particular reason for it! I was writing EBY and that au around the same time and alternated working on the two throughout the day. That au is now nameless (actually it's nicknamed "Messiah" as I type) cause EBY grew onto me for what it is now! ✿ On DCA's designs: This might be kind of disappointing lol but- there isn't much of a lore/plot reason for their designs? They just look that way cause... why not :3 It's also part of just how I interpret DCA into my artstyle. Otherwise, they can be interpreted as the canon designs early on! Atleast until some future upgrades! ✿ When in SB are we? Everywhere /hj. EBY will have some pre-virus and post-virus stuff just for funsies! I'm dying to yap but if I say anymore I will get carried away 100%. ✿ On EBY!Eclipse: For this au, Eclipse is his own "person" you could say. With his own AI and personality chip to pair! Carefully built to be a dedicated host and theater bot. He is, including Sun and Moon, the entertainment <3. They are a singular animatronic in this fic! (like those 3 in 1 soaps except it's DCA /j) ✿ On EBY!Y/N: (EBY is a reader-insert, but intended to be written as gender neutral and an adult.) Y/N gets their own bit of lore and issues that may or may not be the stress/frustration from my 2 irl jobs thinly veiled lmao. They work part-time at the Plex as a general theater staff member! Each week, their tasks rotating between concessions, being an usher, and working along side the theater bots! (Kind of like a theater tech.) This is a part-time job just to keep them afloat while they work on their last bit of certifications and training to be a caretaker! They are pretty passionate about helping those in need. A sweetheart honestly. Though, if you don't like kids, maybe look away. Wholesome moments with the littles and DCA + Y/N is pretty decent with kids themselves. (Lots of projection from my own experiences working with children and elderly, as a caregiver turned caretaker. I kind of want to highlight some of my experiences with Y/N.) ✿ On EBY!Sun and Moon: These two are goofballs alongside Eclipse through and through. They all get to be sweet, soft, and doting I promise. Originally, before scrapping a good chunk of the og writing, EBY had a beloved sweetheart anxous Sun and aggressive Moon who was kind of an asshole(Before the rewrite, EBY felt so different. Like everyone was just tolerating eachother and fragments being held together with glitter glue n' dreams. I am very very glad it's different now lol.) Eclipse stayed fairly consistent though. Sweet house husband that he is. Now, Sun is just as unhinged as Moon (making him just as much as a threat!), but we will persevere with the power of friendship <3 We're gonna have some aloof Sun moments. He takes his job pretty seriously! Some goofy Moon bits who's giggles are light and airy. He is very unserious I fear. They're both trying their best, in their own ways. There's not much I can say rn without spoiling haha. It's hard to stay vague hrm. Or atleast I can't think of anything specific to add right now. (I may be able to answer some specific questions if you have any, my brain is just foggy rn) ✿ I'm simplifying it down to your "typical pizza plex fic" with pre-virus and post-fire shenanigans. I'm sorry if none of that is telling I can't think of anything specific cause I'm pretty sleepy rn so maybe it's a little boring sounding but I love it anyways haha Expect some canon-typical violence and non-sexual intimacy! I have intentions on writing the relationship between Y/N and DCA ambiguous so it can be seen as queerplatonic or romantic. (But this could very easily changed, I'm a shameless robokisser sigh.)

[tea-time-terrier]

She's still here and keeps falling asleep on me 😭 my list of tasks is struggling.

Even if I am standing she wants to be held/sit on my shoulders (I am creating a monster)

Diagram of my kitten who fell asleep on my lap that i drew through tears. Pleawse. I cant get up

[lunarflare64]

Hormones suck

[spockandawe]

Self-control whomst? No, this was bad of me. But in my defense, I've had multiple multi-day meeting ordeals lately, and this is one of the BEST activities for staying entertained while also listening.

And I had a pattern I'd purchased a while back (another megan lapp/craftyintentions creation) that I'd never made! So it did it, and it was INVOLVED, so much like so many similar craft incidents, i reached a natural stopping point and.... didn't stop. The blue and purple one came first! I did the fancy tentacles and no colorwork. But I had regrets about both those things, the tentacles were SO hard on my hands, and this is a lot of surface area to work without doing fun color things, especially when this yarn is so vibrant. So i finished one, slumped with exhaustion, and... immediately began another.

But I'm done now! For a while! Except for my two big wips and miscellaneous bubbalubs to use up yarn and eyes, but i SWEAR I'm going to find new entertainment now before i do additional unkindnesses to my hands 😂

Edit: one last photo, for scale!

[first-edition]

One Night You

Spencer and yourself have a one night stand, and thinking that’s all it is you get up to leave and the confessions begin.

Smut, p in v, mention of alcohol, clit play if you squint, fluff, slight angst

THIS FIC IS 18+ MINORS DNI

You never expected that sitting on the floor of Spencer’s living room to solve a kidnapping case would end up with two glasses of wine and your clothes flying off, but here you are in bed with your co-worker who’ve you’d had a crush on since day one.

Your legs wrapped around his waist, his hands roaming your skin, your fingers tangling his hair. The erotic sounds of skin hitting skin and moans.

His lips kiss and suck your neck surely leaving marks not caring about the work scheduled for tomorrow.

“F-fuck.” Spencer curse as you arch your back pulling him closer to you as his cock stretches your cunt. His member hitting the sweetest spot of you over and over again. His little moans and whimpers in your ear making you go weaker for him submitting even more than you already are.

Your lips move from an open setting to a smile he pulls him self up to look at you wanting nothing more than to watch your face contort to his control when you cum around his dick.

A smile forms on his as well before you place your arms around him connecting your lips with his. Spencer places his hand up above your head gripping the head board breaking kiss as he fucks into you harder rewarding himself with the sounds of your pleasure. His other using his skilled finger to rub your clit.

Your nails run down his back feeling his muscles as he groans against you his hair falling around his face framing him perfectly. The knot in your stomach tightening before it snaps and you grip onto him cumming around him.

“S-Spence ah!” You moan out gasping.

A light chuckle leaves his mouth as he kisses you continuing to fuck you through your high before taking his own pleasure spurting his cum into the condom as he roughly pushing into you surely hitting your cervix.

—————

The bright light from his cracked curtains cover your face as you open your eyes blinking away the blur of sleep. You see a pair of light brown eyes looking seemingly golden from the morning glow.

“Morning” he says his voice only slightly deeper.

“Mm.” You say wiping your eyes. Before sitting up pulling your hair back out of your face. You sigh looking around the room for your clothes yet they are nowhere to be found only the panties you put on after it was over.

You hold the comforter against your chest giving yourself a little bit of your self preservation back.

“Where are you going?” He says looking up at you.

“Home…I shouldn’t have over stayed my welcom im sorry.” You say leaving him with a chuckle as he shakes his head

“Over stayed? What are you talking about?” He asks. You look around eyeing twords both of your ‘naked’ bodies. You bring the comforter closer to you.

“As much as i dont want it to be call it was it is spencer. A one night stand were going to go into work later today covered in marks while the team analyzies us and we’ll stand across the room from each other in awkward silence with the boys congratulate you and i get scolded for being a drunken whore by the girls.” You huff pulling your knees to your chest. He sits up his hand placing its self against your bare back.

“Who said this was a one nights stand.” He says looking at you tucking your hair behind your ear. You turn your head your eyes meeting.

“You’re not a drunken whore you never were or will be you’re y/n a woman who i happen to work with and whomst I’ve happened to fall in love with so I invited her over to help work on a case which was complimented with a glass of wine and very good sex.“ he says brushing his thumb against your cheek.

“…what.” You reply. He raises his eyes brows to you to make sure you got every detail of his confession.

“If you’ll let me I’d like to take you on a proper date and I-“ he cut off by your lips on his as you climb over him straddling him he sits up holding onto you as you share a passionate kiss.

Breaking the kiss for a moment you speak.

“Say it..say it again.”

“You’re not a drunken whore you never were or-“

“No. No…say the other thing.” You say looking into his eyes.

“I’m in love with you. Have been for a while a very Very long while. I love you so please dont call this a one nights stand. I plan to do this and many other things with you….if youll have me” he say. The smile grows on your face as you nod pecking his lips.

“I love you too spencer. I do.” You say. He smiles laying down and taking you with him both of you giggling and laughing as you share kisses and cuddles.

“Spence.” You gasp pulling back a bit.

“Hmm?” He ask

“Where are my clothes?”

[duskcourse]

I genuinely cannot stand anti-endos at this point it's incredibly infuriating trying to speak to someone who has a complete and utter refusal to accept factual scientific knowledge and then a refusal to even accept that other people are allowed to hold a different philosophical view of their own self. It also tends to come with a lot of antitheist bullshit that usually is just, quite frankly, racism.

The self isn't something that is an accepted fact.

For example, a massive part of Buddhism is the teaching that THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A SELF that every aspect of you as a being is a lie and falsehood as no selves are real or of importance. (This is severely dulling down the concept; here's one source and I'd advise you to look into more. It's something that you get taught about in a basic philosophy class but most syscourse people don't like philosophy it seems so I wouldn't be surprised if lots of people are unaware). Anatta as an idea that would be antithetical to a massive amount of the discourse in the sense of decimating the idea that one could even be multiple because one is nothing and nothing cannot be anything.

I don't subscribe to that philosophy myself, I don't find it to accurately define myself and I still need to learn more in the field to understand where my philosophical perspectives align. Descarte for example is someone I do have some similar beliefs to "I think therefore I am" as a self evidentiary proof that you yourself exist is something I use to provide evidence to ourselves that our alters/headmates are also persons. We know definitively we all think because we can sometimes hear our other alters thoughts. Therefore we know we are. It doesn't matter if anyone else wants to claim that we don't have a self- they are speaking on a very separate foundation of principles than we are and by our own philosophy we don't have evidence these others telling us otherwise are even real persons whomst think. Yes we act as if and presume they do, but our personal philosophy does not include solidified ways to prove the ability of others to be a self like we are. But we do assume that to be the case.

If someone were to talk to us about our self from the position of Buddhist teachings we would fundamentally disagree and be fully incapable of doing anything productive because our entire framework for the conceptions of reality and the metaphysical would be fundamentally different. Philosophy has absolutely no scientific proof. Anti-endos seek to dictate philosophical concepts and that itself is an antithesis to intellectualism and conversation. If all persons were to hold the same philosophies no conversations of value could be had.

Like another side note: We're a diagnosed DID system who's currently trying to make an endogenic headmate for our ENTIRE system, we are trying to make a new self a new being exist tangentially to us as a collective. That is seen as blasphemous to anti-endos. To try and explore the potentials of the complexity of the mind and the experiences of the inner psyche is to throw yourselves to the wolves. You are no longer a conformist you refuse to fall in line and keep your mind the way they want it to be for their own comfort. Do not listen to people who wish to control you and your expressions. That is a deeply abusive, controlling and harmful behavior.

Anti-endo rhetoric in whole is against intellectual discussions, introspection, self actualization, and is deeply abusive. Do not let them win. Be yourself.

[jq37]

.....fuck. Ok, so the simple answer is Cassandra's going Nightmare King. But that "she's at my side once more" thing gives me hope that this is something else and not entirely Kristens fault. Could be the Elf side of Galacaea reacting badly to the Wolf side gaining prominence and she's trying to grab for any piece of her old self to gain a controlling foothold. On the lighter side of things, Kristen believing she's a full-on actual political candidate and trying to give a speech to steel-workers was gut-bustingly hilarious. Less light-hearted, Adaine needs to stop attacking her financial woes as a teenager and start attacking it as a wizard adventurer. And lose the crap job, a 40% discount is not worth those 8 hours she's losing every shift. She can get a lot more done with that time. But she's a kid who's trying to solve this on her own instead of the common sense move of reaching out to adults who know more. Siobhan commits to the bit, I'll give her that. Bizarely, Gorgugs 400% course load is actually is the most solvable problem. Get Digby and Wilma to tutor him and help him speedrun through the Freshman and Sophomore material and then play catch-up on the Junior year material. He might have drop the Owl Bears, he needs those hours. Fig is killing it so hard in all her classes, it would be fucking hilarious if she's the Bad Kid who graduates as valedictorian. This one ran long, sorry about that.

OK, my quick thoughts on everything before I sit down to write this recap tomorrow (I finished my notes today--geez these JY eps are LONG):

Kristen: Wild that the thing Kristen has chosen to go all in on is her high school bid for class president and not *gestures vaguely* literally anything else. Funny, but wild. My best guess until we have more info is that this is an "As above so below" thing because the wizards getting ripped and aggressive is super random except for the fact that the main things that Kristen has been doing in the past few months is getting ripped and being aggressive to Cass. But we're working with incomplete info so we'll see.

Adaine: Girl, take Aelwyn's chest of rubies and sell it for cash and buy stuff with that! Or better yet, use your Oracle/general divination powers to figure out the lotto numbers/stock futures and exploit that! Honestly, even killing your mom is a better plan that working at Fantasy Auntie Anne's!

Gorgug: :( Hang in there buddy. It's wild when everyone else is dealing with kind fantasy problems--even Adaine's thing is tinged with Fantasy what with the absurdity of the items she needs to get--and Gorgug is just dealing with…a completely regular school problem. That's rough man. I personally feel like I'd try to join a club or something to show off my skills rather than doing it on the books if this requires a 400% course load but I hope he can make it work. Though, it would also be interesting for them to do a, "There's no shame in trying and failing," storyline because man that's just so much work and that's an important thing to learn.

Fabian: If you want Adaine to be at your party then give her some of your massive pile of gold so she doesn't have to work a crappy mall job. The girl is filtering gold flecks out of discounted booze and you know that because you're the one who gave her permission to do it. Either help her or don't be sulky when she can't make your shrimp party!

Fig: Fig as surprise valedictorian has the same energy as Annie realizing she and Shirley are neck in neck for the position even though Annie is the type A control freak (this is a Community ref for anyone who's like whomst?). That would be so funny. But also, it wouldn't be crazy! Fig was super preppy before she decided to be punk. I wouldn't be surprised if her grades were always good and she's also passionate about everything she does. If she wasn't set on sticking it to the man, she'd be so so so solid.

Riz: You didn't mention him but I wanted to give him a section anyway. Hi Riz :)

OK, that's it for now. Can't wait for next ep! (And no worries about this ask being long. I like getting long D20 Asks!)

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

Pairings: Ruin/DJ Music Man, Lord Eclipse/Servant Monty(OC), Servant Eclipse/Lord Ursa (OC)

Word Count: 1,145 Words

Summary: Solar actually gets therapy that works?

Warnings: Cursing, Harassment (mentioned only), Death (past, mentioned only), Therapy, Murderous Zombie (?, best way to describe it), Truth Potion, Trauma (mentioned), PTSD (mentioned), Caps, let me know if I should add anything else.

The Eclipses Chat: Chapter 4

3:15pm Whomst The Fuck?

Helix: I think I look good for Ursa, right?

Helix: Helix-in-a-sparkly-dress.jpg

Acrux: You look good Auntie Helix.

Comet: You look like a princess!

Helix: Aw, thank you, kiddos.

Venus: Lucky you. I get to deal with Lunara harassing me today.

Helix: Oooh, tough break.

Venus: You’re telling me. I wish he’d just shut up and go blow something up in his own dimension.

Orbit: Why not just shove him out of the dimension?

Venus: He’ll come harass me more.

Helix: And become much more personal.

Venus: He’s a fucking prick if you disrespect him. If I shove him out of my dimension, then he’ll come back and be even more annoying.

Helix: Selene tried to throw him out of our dimension once after he called me a dumbass and tried to throw a nuke at me. He came back like ten minutes later and harassed me for five days being transphobic, sexist, classist, ableist, and more. Like…I’m a creaky old lady bot, I know.

Venus: Yeah, I refuse to deal with him even at the Lord meetings. Not gonna deal with that.

Solar: Is having that little maniac just a universal experience? Do I not have a single unique experience?

Helix: Had to deal with him too?

Solar: He came into my old dimension before I moved and after Lunar was revived. I thought he was Lunar but like…overly sassy Lunar. Left after like ten minutes of following me around and harassing me about stuff Lunar wouldn’t say.

Helix: Yeah, that’s him. Not a unique experience.

Solar: I can’t have shit.

Rigel: Well hey, you’re the only Eclipse to get abused by their Moon.

Solar: That is not an achievement and I don’t talk about Crescent, shut.

Rigel: I see therapy didn’t work.

Solar: Noooope.

Rigel: I’ll schedule another, dw.

Helix: I’m gone. Gonna go on a date with my Ursa.

Helix is offline

Venus: Just murder me. He’s harassing me about my skirt.

Solar: I could easily kidnap you. Anything from Lunara’s dimension is banned from the dimension I’m in.

Venus: Oh please god yes. Anything but this motherfucker. I’d rather deal with you.

Solar: omw

Acrux: Com, what are your pronouns? I think you were asleep when we said them yesterday.

Comet: Oh! He/they!

Acrux: Okay, good.

Comet: But I like girly stuff.

Acrux: And that’s perfectly fine.

Phase: I like girly stuff too

Acrux: And that’s valid. So do I but a bit less than you two probably.

Umbra: Do I just have three queer kids?

Orbit: You’re even gonna question it? Of course you do. Your three kids are Eclipses. Of course they’re queer.

Umbra: I know you’re right but shut it.

Rigel: All Eclipses are some flavor of queer. Most just don’t admit it.

Orbit: Also true.

Venus: Freed from the hellspawn thank god.

Solar: Yep. No murder, no subjugation, no weird shit.

Venus: Yeah yeah just happy to not be getting harassed.

Solar: Now, I’m sending you off in my place to go dress shopping with Earth. Have fun with that.

Venus: What? You don’t wanna be in pretty dresses?

Solar: I’m not ready to delve into questioning my gender today. I’m busy today with suffering.

Rigel: Why are you suffering.

Solar: Take three guesses.

Rigel: Your Moon came back to life somehow.

Solar: Nope

Rigel: Your Monty is back alive again.

Solar: Nope

Rigel: Your Sun came back to live and is evil and tracking you down.

Solar: Ding ding ding, we have a winner. Got his note this morning.

Rigel: Wait, really?

Solar: Yes. Apparently Crescent set up a system to streamline his kill code into Corona after his death and now Corona is half-sentient with a kill code and zero self control impulses. So now basically zombie Corona is out to kill me.

Orbit: Well, shit. Hope you don’t get bit or whatever but what the actual fuck?

Solar: Like I know. But now I gotta kill my other brother for the second time.

Rigel: I’m gonna schedule more therapy.

Solar: Trust me, it’s not going to help.

Rigel: Just let me believe it’ll eventually work dammit!

Solar: Why give you false hope?

Rigel: Because I want to believe you can actually talk about your problems with someone that isn’t yourself or a mirror for the first time in your life. Literally the most I know about you is that you were 1) abused, 2) it was your Moon’s doing, 3) you’re from another universe, 4) your Sun was killed in the separation, and 5) you killed your Moon.

Solar: Yeah, that’s about it. Also, I’m a mechanic.

Rigel: Yes, everyone knows that.

Solar: Still not talking about my issues.

Rigel: I apologize beforehand in regards to your next therapy session, Solar.

Solar: Yeah yeah.

Umbra: Get this guy’s therapist a therapist, I got your PM and yes I can, Rigel.

Solar: That’s…ominous.

Rigel: Good, it better be.

Venus: I feel left out.

Rigel: You don’t want to be implicated.

Venus: Yeah okay fine.

Orbit: I feel like a back alley deal was conducted.

Rigel: It was hush.

5:53pm Whomst The Fuck?

Solar: Rigel, what was in my flavored oil?

Rigel: No clue what you mean.

Solar: Rigel, it tasted off. What did you do?

Rigel: Maybe just a little truth potion.

Solar: I hate you so much, you prick.

Rigel: Hate me as you may but you desperately need to talk to someone and this is literally the only way because you believe you don’t have a problem. I’ll be with you the whole time, you can talk to me instead of a therapist and I won’t tell anyone anything. But you need to feel these feelings you’ve been bottling up and let them out into the open. I told you all my issues and I want to be a shoulder for you to do the same. I don’t want you to struggle with this internal battle anymore when you should be receiving help for the trauma and ptsd you have.

Solar: I’m so happy you’re my friend.

Umbra: I can practically hear him crying already from Toronto.

Rigel: Hey! Bestie-Bestie confidentiality!

Umbra: Jeez okay.

8:47pm Whomst The Fuck?

Solar: Surprisingly I actually feel better now.

Rigel: I sure hope so. You cried on me for three hours.

Solar: I’m not apologizing. Any excess oil you have in your joints s your own damn fault for giving me truth potion.

Rigel: Fair enough. But i’m glad you feel better, Solar.

Solar: Okay fine, maybe I should talk about it more. I guess I’ll actually participate in therapy now.

Rigel: YESSSS

Orbit: WOOOOOO

Comet: Dad’s gonna get real therapy!!

Acrux: Good job, Dad.

Venus: Congrats you prick, I’m glad for you.

Solar: Yeah yeah but the therapist is still going to deal with me being a snarky ass.

Rigel: We know, Solar.

[ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa]

APPARENTLY IM NOT GOING TO SHUT UP ABOUT THIS, I WISH I WAS ASHAMED OR SORRY--

Adding a read more for TMI/BDSM dynamics again

The guy who I talked about in my last post is exceeding all of my fucking expectations.

Not everything we talk about is even sexual. He's started taking control of little unimportant aspects of my day, one of them being he gets to choose pretty/sexy outfits for me to wear to work. (Lipstick, dresses, jewelry, panties, the whole 9 yards.) I like this way more than I realized because its one less thing I have to worry about as an overworked virgo with a martyr complex and a big ol' perfectionist streak.

He's being super fucking attentive, I never have to ask, he's just ON IT and always three steps ahead etc etc. Anyway, I have to go to a gala event tomorrow for charity. It is being put on by my old job and I have to go as a representative of my new job. I gave him a bunch of options and he picked everything out, dress, heels, stockings, garters, everything.

For obvious reasons, I'm so fucking nervous. I'm dreading it. Everyone who wronged me back in Jan/Feb will be there (and for those who dont know it was a whole thing involving our dog who bit me during a seizure, put me in the ER, and our personal vet approved her euth and a vet who I had turned into HR demanded she be tested for rabies.)

He asked me why I was nervous. I told him it was a long story and he said "I have time."

I told him everything about the end of my time at the shelter, our sweet dog, the vet who I turned into HR and then the veterinary board, everything. He asked for pictures of my leg in the hospital and one now that it is healed because I told him I was torn between loving the scar because I miss her so much and being self conscious about how it looked because it is huge, but I sent him the pictures.

Then all of a sudden in the middle of our conversation he calls me and says, "I'm changing your outfit for tomorrow. No stockings or garters."

I said, "What why??"

He said, "If anyone that did you wrong is there I want them to see how hot you look, how incredible you are doing without them, how amazing you are. I want them to see your scar/leg and know you haven't fucking forgotten what they did...and neither will I."

LIKE EXCUSE ME??? WHAT KINDLE UNLIMITED SMUT BOOK DID YOU PULL THAT OUT OF?? But he doesn't have time to read a lot so I know that's just HIM.

THATS THE HOTTEST FUCKING SHIT I HAVE EVER HEARD. WHO SAYS THAT??? WHOMST comes up with that shit right on the spot?? He INSTANTLY called after I typed everything out so that's just how he thinks????

I need to touch grass. I need to just walk around the block and box breathe.

[all-pacas]

no one asked but here’s my informal listing of house’s fellows from “rotates them in my brain” to “whomst”

Chase. God’s least favorite princess. Nepobaby who keeps failing up, but make it tragic. The more his career succeeds the deader his eyes become. Starts off as a cheerfully lazy loser and ends as a nihilistic cynical slut. Looks better with short hair. Secretly kind of a Sports Guy. No one has ever loved him. I like to imagine sitting the baby doctors down in S1 or 2 and breaking it to them that Chase will inherit diagnostics someday. They'd all be horrified. Foreman would be so mad. If House had hugged him and told him he was proud one (1) time, 46% of Chase's trauma would have dripped away like squeezing a dirty sponge.

Cameron. Because I love her and Chase so much I keep wanting to think of ways they could work and failing. This is honestly very attractive of Cameron. Insufferable little control freak who probably, just a little, reads Wellness and Crystal shit and goes HMM. Has absolutely no idea that she is deeply mentally ill. This is crucial. She truly believes she is normal and healthy and well-adjusted. She unironically says girlboss. Chase has never topped, not even as a special treat, but they're both into that.

Thirteen. Love when she just wanders around making Sarcastic Quips instead of being useful. Kind of thinks she's a Cool Girl and she has no idea what she's doing, but because she's really good at pretending to be her chosen archetype she's like what? We aren't all doing it intentionally? I thought this was like a bit? Can be insufferably aloof/smug but when she has her little crying breakdowns I forgive her. Very silly actually. Dating Foreman was a character flaw.

Foreman. I like him best around others and in relation to others, which is ironic because he clearly never wants to interact with a human. I love him because like Cameron his self perception is a total 180 from who he actually is. I think he truly believes he's good with people. By himself he's kind of dull but force him to interact with anyone and he turns to gold. I like to give him a hard time because he deserves it, but it's ok because he still kind of thinks he's better than everyone else and can take it.

Taub you heard me. Unapologetic. A hypocrite. Has the insane grace and humility to go from a House/Wilson/Cuddy senior partner in private practice to best friends with Kutner without it really becoming an ego issue. Decided to start over not by going into general surgery but taking a random fellowship in a field House invented. By S8 he doesn't even need to be here he's just having fun. Just a little guy. Unlike his taller and younger coworkers, has no illusions that he's a cool and sexy main character with no flaws or weaknesses. Deserves everything he has coming.

Kutner. Just happy to be here. Intriguing mix of super clever and super incompetent. Love how tight he and Taub and 13 were as a team, it's a shame we never really got to see him with the others. I bet within 15 seconds of meeting Chase, Kutner would have him convinced of the most outlandish conspiracy theories. We were robbed. Worst thing Obama has ever done.

Park. Could be annoying!! Like she was intended to be annoying and that's fine, but sometimes on a meta level the show is just HA HA SHE UGLY AND WEIRD and that's the part that irritates me. Calm down. We get it. I like how punchy she is. Loved her staring Chase down in an elevator until he agreed to get drinks with her. Could be Too Much but she had a strong and developed sense of character and I'll always take that over bland.

Masters. Like the concept! Super morality plus being younger and not a real doctor yet is actually a really interesting dynamic since she can't pull a Cameron and pull rank even when she wants to. Just never quite clicked, and wasn't around long.

Adams. :( This is what happens when you don't have a strong and developed sense of character. She is a series of facts. I consistently forget she has a first name. Feels like she is probably a Horse Girl.

[lunarsilkscreen]

Symbiote-Suit (Before Venom)

I remember the Symbiote-Suit from reading spider-man shorts in the newspaper, and didn't really get the full story until much later. Like every edgy-child of the 90s the Black Spider-suit was peak coolness.

The suit itself was created by artist and fan Randy Shueller. Whomst was paid 220$ for the creation, and given the opportunity to write an official storyline about it. Ultimately, Marvel didn't really go with his idea and took creative control.

When the suit first debuted, it was during "Secret Wars" (written by Jim Shooter with Mike Zeck and Bob Layton illustrating.) Secret Wars was basically Jump Force or Super Smash Bros of its time. (At the time, Arcades came close with the Marvel v Capcom series)

The symbiote was generated by a mysterious machine after Peter Parker destroyed his original suit while fighting Goku. But has seen various alternate representations such as the one with Tony Maguire in Spider-Man 2. And had a completely different storyline ever since. And is always destined to become Venom. (Who is just... A anthropomorphic self-hatred Peter has for himself.)

In the original story-line though, the Symbiote suit was this cool thing that parker could control with his mind and basically became whatever clothes he needed, abolishing his need to get dressed in alley-ways. (Yes, proto-iron-spider basically.) And had unlimited "web", which this Peter had developed himself, like Garfield's Web Shooters in Amazeballs Spidey. So this suit was primo spider-upgrade gear.

When Marvel decided Spidey needed a rebranding, or at least to return to the original suit, because "black Spiderman" didn't mean the same thing it means today... (Trying not to get canceled) The symbiote became a metaphor for Peter Parkers inability to join the two halves his life into one, and subsequent 30 year old burnout from overworking, and no vacations.

Peter Parker, and Spider-Man. And he went through a devastating breakup with MJ and all sorts of pain and anguish. And Pete blamed the suit because he felt that it was the suit's fault for his inability to finish everything he set out to do *and* feel normal.

PTSD from being a superhero, living two lives, overworking, being unable to do the things he wants to do.

And from there the Symbiote becomes this villain that was fed all of Peter's negative emotions, and double-unlucky, joins forces with his main photographer rival at his job--Eddie Brock.

And thus Venom was born. And while Venom was a good guy (most of the time) he harbored vengeance and a deep hatred towards parker and Spider-Man. Both because of the competitive rivalry *AND* birthing an evil alien symbiote thing.

I always wondered about the symbiote suit, and what character it could *have* been if this were not the case... If it wasn't destined to become Venom, especially what venom and the symbiotes are *now*.

This entire section of Spider-Lore and marvel comics which are dedicated to *extreme* edginess. Not that I *hate* them and want the comics abolished, going through different emotions by exploring the Seven Deadly Sins is a good storyline. And dare I say it; fairly important in the history of comic books.

But I still lay awake at night sometimes and wonder "What if the Symbiote Suit had a chance to not got through all that? What if the character could be something else, something not as reliant as being attached to another character?"

What if the Symbiote could've been something more as a character?

What if the Symbiote had a chance to just be a good hero instead of the anti-hero and perma-villain?

[dancing-to-architecture]

44 - Jack White - Blunderbuss (2012)

I'm gonna be real, I had no idea this album even existed until this came up. I liked the White Stripes back in the mid to late 00's, but never really followed much of Jack White's solo career.

He's a damn good guitarist, though, so I'm going in to this one with slightly raised expectations.

(I also had this written out like a week and a half ago and just totally spaced on actually posting it.)

•Missing Pieces-

ooh, that electric piano works really well with Jack's guitar tones in the intro, but the solo in the middle is a killer.

Weird lyrics at first, then it slowly starts to come together by the end with a great set of closing lines:

"Sometimes someone controls everything about you

And then they tell you that they just can't live without you

They ain't lyin', they'll take pieces of you

And they'll stand above you and walk away

That's right, and take a part of you with them."

And whomst among us hasn't felt exactly that way some point?

•Sixteen Saltines-

Heavy fuzzy riffs, which is kinda what I expect from Jack White.

The name of the song is extremely weird considering it's a throwaway line, but I guess just calling it "who's jealous (of who?)" might be a bit on the nose.

•Freedom at 21-

I'm giving the text on this a small bit of a pass here because this came out a WHILE before the Me Too movement, but it feels pretty 'Men's Rights'-y imo.

"She can do whatever to me and she'll be fine because she's the woman and the man is always blamed for things" feels pretty goddamned cringey in 2023.

•Love Interruption-

This is the most "Divorced Guy" song I've ever heard in my entire life.

I will not elaborate further.

•Blunderbuss-

"A romantic bust, a blunder turned explosive blunderbuss" is some pretty fun wordplay, but as a self-diagnosed wife-guy, a few soulful minutes about the nobility of infidelity is not exactly my cup of piss.

•Hypocritical Kiss-

This song just makes me think about a number of people that I'd rather prefer stay locked away in the oubliette of my terrible memory.

•Weep Themselves to Sleep-

Okay, dude, you totally invalidated your entire premise set up by the first two lines in the second two lines.

"Nobody can do [x] like I can, except all these guys."

The instrumentation is really nice, the piano kills it, but the lyrics are... not great. 'Billy Corgan Poetic', by which I mean they're pretty, have an interesting metric foot, and they rhyme nicely, but are otherwise inscrutable.

Weird choice for the central song.

•I'm Shakin'-

Jack White sings the dirty blues.

...At least he's better at it than a good number of other white guys who have attempted it.

The idea of referring to the story of Samson and Delilah as "(she) clipped his wig" is just wild.

•Trash Tongue Talker-

"You broke your tongue talkin trash,

Now you're trying to bring your garbage to me." Damn, that's a good line.

One of the few songs about "get the hell out of my life" that you could throw on at a party and not immediately kill the vibe.

•Hip (Eponymous) Poor Boy-

This feels like a band i grew up listening to. Wanna say Little Feat or something like that. It's...alright.

•I Guess I Should Go To Sleep-

Okay, I have a bit of a weakness for 3/4 time.

I also have the occasional fight with insomnia (and lemme tell ya, my insomnia's got HANDS), so yeah, this one hits home.

Also a fairly tidy analogy for death closing out the tab on a hard life. Not entirely sure if that was the intention, but it works.

•On And On And On-

I absolutely love the flow of this one. It's not exactly a fast song, but it keeps moving with the steady power of a river.

I actually had to relisten to it, as I got caught up in the movement and the meter of the lyrics and started spacing out and just vibing.

•Take Me With You When You Go-

The drums are straight out of Manic Depression. I'd know that goddamn drum fill *anywhere*.

I like the fiddle, it almost feels like it shouldn't work, but it really does.

Okay I wasn't expecting the intro to be "the first entire half of the song" but it kicks into 5th gear at the halfway mark and just Goes.

About what I expected going in, to be real. Some great guitar work, some weird but fun lyrics (more often than not).

I'm not sure when he and Meg had their big bad falling out back in the day, but the general sense of "being kinda angry at women" vibe on a few of the songs here definitely bring that whole debacle to mind.

Favorite Track: On And On And On. It's just a whole ass vibe.

Least Favorite Track: tie between Weep Themselves to Sleep and Hypocritical Kiss, but Blunderbuss would be up here too if the wordplay wasn't so good.

There's a lot of very divorce-coded "angry white guy" on this album, and that's just not hitting me.

[dylanndr]

Izzy Hands Jams

I finally got my contributor copies for the Songs for 2022 playlist zine, organized by @koricomics! The prompt was to illustrate a playlist of songs that encapsulated some aspect of 2022 for each of us.

Of course, my playlist is all about Izzy.

And look, I set up the playlist in Spotify so you can actually listen to it at your leisure!

I think a lot of these will be fairly obvious, but if you are curious to know more about why I included each song, read on:

AC/DC - "Problem Child"

Izzy's attitude in general. I specifically included AC/DC as an homage to the AC/DC t-shirt Con O'Neill was wearing when they all did their renewal announcements.

Alkaline Trio - "Tuck Me In"

In part about Izzy's internalization of toxic culture ("Tuck me in with the tarantulas, I want to let 'em in my mouth and down my throat to lay their eggs."), but also "tuck me into bed with snakes" as a reference to Blackbeard's snake tattoo, wink wink. I included this song before I knew Izzy's pet of choice would be a snake, but hey. It works.

In This Moment - "Adrenalize"

A song about kink from the POV of the sub, it opens with a negotiation/boundary statement ("Let me tell you how I want it before we begin"). So this is more aspirational for Izzy rather than a description of how he currently operates, but I do think chasing the adrenaline surge is a part of what drives him.

Buzzcocks - "Ever Fallen in Love"

By bisexual singer/songwriter Pete Shelley, this song is specifically about a messy queer relationship with a man he lived with for several years.

The Birthday Massacre - "Cold Lights"

A general vibe of unrequited romantic yearning tainted by deception. "Face of fire" evokes the Blackbeard persona Izzy is lusting after. Also references to the various lies Izzy told, thinking he was protecting his interests, only to watch things spiral out of control.

Judas Priest - "A Touch of Evil"

Another song about kink from the POV of the sub, this time sung by a gay man (though, fun fact, Rob Halford is vanilla IRL; he says he doesn't tend to write autobiographical lyrics). Obvious references to the toe scene, and how it was a positive transformative moment for Izzy.

Joan Jett - "I Hate Myself for Loving You"

Partially about unrequited love, partially about continually trying to leave this person and not being able to, and a general air of self-loathing over the whole proceedings.

Rammstein - "Tattoo"

The title is a pretty obvious surface-level reference, but the song is more specifically about enjoying the pain of being tattooed. I have a headcanon that Izzy has so few tattoos relative to his age and experience because he's extremely particular about who gets to tattoo him. He gets too, erm, excited by the proceedings, and can't tolerate handing that kind of power over him to just anyone.

The GazettE - "Devouring One Another"

Well, now, a song that uses cannibalism as a sexualized metaphor for a toxic relationship. Gosh, how could that be relevant to our Iz. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE. The line "Is it not allowed to betray God?" could serve as a reference to Izzy's full name, "Israel" meaning "one who struggles with god," where Blackbeard/Edward = god. Whomst he betrays. Screaming "shut up, dammit!" on repeat is just gravy.

Dolly Parton - "Jolene" (Lil Nas X cover for max gay)

The Lil Nas X version is, AFAIK, only available on YouTube, but either version works. Stede's eyes aren't emerald green, and his hair is a bit light for auburn, but still.

The Stooges - "I Wanna Be Your Dog"

Pretty obvious reference to "love of a pet," and to the submissive nature of Izzy's relationship to Edward.

[glitterdustcyclops]

saw @rainbowbarnacle do this and i thought it might be fun so

Rules: Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! Then tag as many people as you have WIPs

like she did i'm just going to list out my WIPs with a brief summary but if any of these sound interesting to you or you'd like to ask me questions please please do

also i don't have a single WIP folder because i organize all of my various universes into their own folders but here's the ones i'm most actively working on:

The House of Orchids v5 / The Tale of the Blackwood Company: the two main entries in my fantasy courtesans universe, the titular house of orchids. the first is about how the son of one of the most conservative noble lords in an incredibly repressive/homophobic empire gets found out for being a fairy and then sold to a brothel, meets another courtesan, perrin, whomst is hot dom that helps him work through his Issues around his sexuality, and finally, gets his revenge on the people that wronged him. dual protag situation, the other half is about aria, a former-pirate-turned-courtesan who has recently been purchased by her own hot domme noble lady and how she navigates the complexities of that situation. focusing on themes of agency/control and how that impacts our identities and relationship to our body, and of course, because it's me, exploring how kink can help us navigate that.

the blackwood company are a mercenary band in the same universe who have a close relationship with the proprietor of the house of orchids and three of them are in a cute lil mmf polycule. they accept a contract to escort twin noble brats across the empire and along the way Shenanigans Ensue, as they are wont to do. another dual POV between kier, the f part of the mercenary polycule, whomst is an immortal queer warrior woman with a cnc kink, and elyssandra, the lady noble being escorted with a mysterious chronic illness, who feels Feelings about kier and doesn't know what to do with them. continuing themes of agency/bodily autonomy and kink as a method of exerting that control.

Gabe and Frankie Band Edition / Avery Again Again: the two main entries in my Nebula Verse, so named for the cafe/bookstore that is kind of the central hub between the various cast of characters. gabe & frankie's story started as an AU of a different universe but quickly became The Main One (i just can't bring myself to write about highschoolers anymore lol) and i've posted snippets of it before. the idea is kind of my riff on the whole bandom genre but explicitly queer, heavily cribbed from velvet goldmine with a sprinkle of the arden st. ives series from alexis hall for good measure. another dual POV situation between gabe, the lead singer of a queer glam rock band the peaches, and matt, a barista at nebula and the guitarist they hire last minute after the relationship between gabe and his former (regrettably heterosexual) lead guitarist implodes. shenanigans, it should not surprise you to learn, ensue.

meanwhile avery is a queer nonbinary adhd disaster (ngl, shameless self insert) who is roommates with one of nebula's other baristas, anna. they've recently been cut off from their rich parents for the crime of being a queer nonbinary college dropout and are working a series of jobs to make their rent money. Contrived Circumstances lead to them needing to pretend to be engaged to earn back the good graces/monetary support of their family, and they so happen to find a willing candidate in eliot. he is a wealthy and famous gay author of mystery novels who is embroiled in his own scandal after his ex-fiancé garret publishes a shocking tell-all memoir about what a prima donna jerk he supposedly is at the same time he gets into a very public, very embarrassing accident with some rando riding a vespa. eliot needs better publicity stat and a date to some industry event, and is willing to pay someone to pretend to be his arm candy. the two come to a mutually beneficial financial arrangement. and good thing avery can't stand him, so there's Absolutely No Chance of real, complicated emotional feelings to make things messy between the two of them. of course.

this is a shameless pretty woman riff, with lots of kink sprinkled in for good measure.

Cat V3 / Brian V3: the two main entries in my other series based around a cafe/central hub of artsy weirdos, this one called Haven. cat is an adhd disaster (are you sensing a pattern) who works at a board game store in a charming little shopping district of the college town of greendale, a which the locals fondly refer to as Hipster Alley. her two best friends and roommates ginger & greg work at Haven. cat accidentally runs into a intimidatingly hot punk woman outside Haven when she's running late for work, and it turns out this woman's name is quinn, and she works at a nearby bakery. cat attempts an ill-advised friendship with quinn while she pretends she's not hardcore crushing on her, which eventually turns into a friends-with-benefits kink-based situationship, and then they finally get over themselves and admit they're in wuv. lots of lowkey, charming vignettes of cat's friend group/found family of nosy queers (and a couple Token Heterosexuals in ginger and nathan) trying to help cat woo quinn. the epitome of cozy low-stakes coffeeshop fluff.

brian's story is another mmf polycule situation, takes place chronologically before cat's, with a shared cast of characters. brian shows up on the doorstep of what he thinks is his childhood best friend's apartment after a gaybashing leads him to fleeing his shitty small town, only to find that said childhood best friend, nathan, moved out. yesterday. nathan's former roommates, violet and anthony, let brian crash there while he sorts his life out a bit. violet engages in her own devious machinations to get anthony and brian to admit their obvious attraction for one another, and her plan to be the filling in their no-homo sandwich backfires spectacularly when she develops feelings for the dude too. whoopsie.

as far as tagging goes i'll tag @musicismymoirail because i know we've talked about some of my ocs before, otherwise anyone else who wants to do this please do!! and tag me cuz i'm nosy!!!

[alexsrandomramblings]

Alas, I ate all the longans. Now I want more, but they're probably not going to be available next time I'm in town. Self-control whomst?